I Ditched My Heart to Find My Soul: And I failed successfully
- stumphy
- May 30, 2024
- 5 min read
“Follow your heart.”
What an amazing quote.
Like, seriously, the idea that following your heart makes you stronger and better is so encouraging. Countless people share stories about how following their hearts led them to success and how following the heart is the key to triumph.
Inspiring right? The heart forces us to grow, guides us to success, takes us to new heights we never knew were there…
It also fails me.
And it fails me hard.
It forces me to be someone else — somebody I hate, somebody I would desperately run away from.
It pushes me to try things that just don’t make sense — things that have nothing to do with my growth, things that would only demean who I am, things that make me look like an idiot…
It tries to throw out everything I’ve established like they’re not of any worth— everything I treasured, things I’ve spent so much time building, thrown away for the sake of “the heart.”
Pathetic.
I was lost.
All this fighting made me tired, and I didn’t know why my heart would constantly oppose me. All I knew was that we were going in different directions, and I couldn’t bring myself to agree with the heart.
The soul, however, was different. It’s out there somewhere, patiently waiting for me. It’s somebody I long for, somebody I want to become. I’ve heard whispers — calling me from the deep void.
So I went on a journey to find the soul, heading off into the darkness to chase the light — the soul that patiently awaits. I worked hard, doing everything I could in hopes of reaching it, and I got closer and closer.
Except, the heart seems to disagree with everything.
It drags me away from reaching the soul, takes me wandering, and constantly tells me to ditch everything I’ve done. It points me in the opposite direction when the soul is literally within arm’s reach…
What a joke.
It’s getting absurd. All this negativity from within — constantly reminding me how much of a fool I am, whereas everything clearly proves the obvious — that I’m on the right track and the heart is nothing but a stubborn idiot.
Eventually, I had enough. I ditched my heart in this search for the soul.
It’s obviously the right thing to do. The heart has been nothing but an arrogant encumbrance, nagging nonstop until it pisses everybody off. Everything’s going to be smooth without this troublemaker, right?
Right?
Clearly, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, period.
Ever since I ditched the heart, my productivity has skyrocketed. Everything I did was so much more effective; I was going so much faster, like I was finally taking off, cruising freely in the sky.
Day by day, as I finally got my foot on the gas, I got closer and closer to the soul. The whispers got louder and louder until they weren’t whispers anymore; the light shone brighter and brighter; the calls roared, echoing all around me.
It was awesome; I knew I was close — really close. And I was getting closer and closer, as its presence grew stronger and stronger, overwhelming me as each day passed. I knew I was there, and I was headed in the right direction. I knew everything, and I could feel them all heading my way.
Until I couldn’t.
Eventually, the roars were so loud, I couldn’t tell where they came from; the light was so bright, I could no longer see the path; the presence was so strong, I couldn’t pinpoint its direction…
I tried to keep going, but for the first time I was heading nowhere; I tried going back, but I didn’t know which way back. I was defeated; I was tired and frustrated.
And I gave up.
The roars went silent, and the light became darkness. All that was left was emptiness.
“I don’t think you’re ready.”
Who is this?
“You know me; you ditched me.”
Great, the troublemaker’s back to insult me.
“You’ll hate it if you find it.”
There it is, wonderful…
“What you’re looking for is not what it seems.”
Great… always finding creative ways to disappoint me.
“Until you learn to appreciate it, you’re stuck with being overwhelmed by it.”
Wow… going next level with the roast. “What do you want?”
“Follow me.”
Never.
“You want it or not?”
Fine, just once. But don’t play any tricks on me.
We didn’t do much — at least not anything bizarre. We just sat down in silence and talked. We shared a lot about ourselves, and I started to listen to my heart.
As we chatted, things around me started to change. The echoes were no longer roars but a peaceful melody, bringing comfort to my cries; the light was no longer blinding but a colourful painting, uplifting every bit of me. It’s a wonderland I never thought would even exist.
“Go find it.”
What?
“What you’ve been looking for.”
You just said I’m not ready?
“You’re ready now.”
I never knew the heart would be so fascinating. It’s a paradise, a fantasy I never knew was possible; it’s a perfect harmony, a symphony orchestrated by the power of imagination.
As I started to appreciate my heart, I achieved harmony with myself. I stopped pushing myself, disregarding my heart in every way possible, and I started to listen to its dreams.
I started to fall in love with myself.
The heart forced me to be myself — somebody I hated, somebody I would desperately run away from…
The heart pushed me to try things that I wanted to try — things that have nothing to do with my growth, things that would only demean who I am, things that make me look like an idiot…
The heart tried to throw out everything I didn’t like deep down — everything I treasured, things I’ve spent so much time building…
I ditched my heart to find my soul — shut myself up to find myself — and I failed hard. I wanted to be myself, yet I never listened to myself. I thought the best way to triumph was to do the logical thing — doing everything I could to succeed, silencing the heart that was trying to “hinder” me along the way.
I realized my soul wasn’t something I could find, but something for me to discover. Bit by bit, it reveals itself to me, and through my adventures, I learn more and more about my soul — my true self.
I know it’s somewhere out there, in this wonderland, patiently waiting, casually whispering. But I’m not going to stop, because I know that deep in my heart, somewhere, my soul awaits.
“Follow your heart, because that’s where your soul resides.”
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