my story
Hi, I’m Zachary (a.k.a. Stumphy).
I grew up in Asia, a place known for people lacking originality and character.
And yes, my heart was silenced back then.
Throughout my childhood, I was forced to be effective in everything I did. I was taught that imagination was useless, and I was told that curiosity was anything but productive.
I didn’t like the idea, nor did I want to believe it would somehow be true. This idea of “improvement” felt wrong, and ditching my originality was simply not my cup of tea.
I wanted to leave this place, desperately. It just didn’t feel right. Our characters are being ripped out until we’re left with that empty shell — a body without a soul, a hollow vessel desperate to be filled, a machine ready to be programmed.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t. Things were just too hard for my family, and relocation was simply not an option.
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I was out of options. Either I continued fighting for myself and ended up being disregarded in society, or I gave up and became useful to society. It was life or death, and survival was the only stake.
I had to survive, and I had no other choice. As much as I hated it, I followed.
I tried my best to silence my heart. I focused only on the things that gave me results and on the things that would make me “better.”
Ironically, I got better. It somehow worked.
I was somehow better. I had new ideas, new insights, and new perspectives on the things around me. I got significantly better in my academics. I felt refreshed and was a new person — a productive one.
It was nothing like I had pictured before. Ideas kept on coming, and things were going really well. I learned more about myself — who I truly am on the inside, who I want to become…
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I moved to North America for University, and I was absolutely killing everything in school. Everything was easy for me; I already knew how to do everything (thanks to my Asian training), and I was cruising through college like it was somehow easier than high school back in Asia.
It was the best feeling I’ve ever had — finding myself in success and feeling unstoppable. I aced every midterm and every final, and it didn’t even take me much effort.
The Asian way really was the better way.
Until it wasn’t.
The Asian way only worked when we did things computers could do. As I entered my second year, things started to change. Things were no longer programmable, nothing was as straightforward as before, and everything was so much more personal…
From then on, ideas stopped flowing through my head, insights stopped showing up, and perspectives became narrow. Nothing made sense anymore, and I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, pushing myself forward.
All this led to nowhere. All this “training” that I’ve had had no use. I was running out of curiosity, creativity, and originality. My fantasies were nowhere to be found, and my character was missing in the dark.
I realized I had silenced myself back then. I hindered the wonder of creativity and imagination, underestimated the power of curiosity, and disregarded the value of character and originality. I needed a way to find myself back — the curious, creative, and original me.
I need to find my heart back — not just my heart, but my childish wonder. I want myself back — the one that made me, me.
I realized I had to explore this world again and rediscover the wonders that brought so much beauty to this universe through a new pair of lenses — my childish heart.
And that has led me here — my journey of exploration and rediscovery.
I’m just a kid at heart, exploring the wonders of this world.
