The Generational Debate

Why I initiate them despite hating them

Photo by Parizan Studio on Unsplash

I had a discussion with my dad last night.

It was a conversation about applying principles in practical life. We talked about whether some things are acceptable in modern society and whether certain things are applicable to the principles in real life despite the change in times.

He was the conservative (obviously), and I was the liberal. I believed that some things demanded change due to the shift in culture, while he was convinced that culture shouldn’t affect principles that had stood the test of time.

It was one of the classics among discussions, the generational debate — an oldie versus a rebel. Usually, these sorts of conversations slowly mix in personal attacks until they heat up more and ultimately become a rage fest.

Perhaps we rage so easily within the family, or maybe it affects our core values that we must protect them. But we tend to become offensive and hostile whenever this sort of conversation arises.

Thankfully, We were relatively civilized last night.

However, it didn’t mean I was calm the whole time. In fact, I wanted to erupt countless times whenever he opened his mouth. There’s just something with his words — they drive me crazy, every single one of them.

To be fair, I started the conversation, so the bill’s on me. Still, sometimes, I couldn’t help but ask them for their thoughts, even when I knew disaster was about to happen.

Maybe because we grew up in different backgrounds, we have our own core values, and they have theirs, and most often, they clash. We try to convince each other of the things we believe, and we protect them as much as we can.

I mean, otherwise, this “generation gap” wouldn’t even be a thing.

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When it comes to these heated debates, we hold on to our different beliefs and defend them so hard that we ought to die for them.

Except, I don’t really have a core belief.

Let’s be honest, I’m 19. How on earth would I have developed a belief so strong it could compete with my 50-year-old dad?

I’m just starting to work on my beliefs and building up my core values. I’m still testing the waters and figuring stuff out in life. I’m just finding myself in this world and discovering my identity in society…

I don’t know the solution to life, at least not as much as my dad.

Honestly, more often than not, the debate was a lie. I didn’t have a belief because I had no clue how life worked.

I grew up under the ways of my parents. I was exposed to their core values and took their beliefs as mine. It’s the way for us when we were kids — we followed and learned from our parents.

As I grew up, I realized the world was much bigger and different from what my parents described. I started to question things and my parents’ way of life as I began to see more and more as I matured.

I started to construct my own beliefs and build my worldview, balancing what I absorbed from the outside world with what I had learned from my parents. I began to piece together the solution to life as I saw fit, climbing my way to understanding life.

However, as much as my world was “perfect,” it was also unavoidably fragile.

It’s so fragile that one question mark could knock down my pillars. I didn’t know how to strengthen my beliefs. I didn’t know how it made sense — despite believing it did. I looked for arguments and evidence to support my beliefs and searched for ways to strengthen my worldview.

I looked within society, and more often than not, they helped strengthen my beliefs. Slowly, these “axioms of life” are being placed, stacked upon with more and more principles, affecting my decisions and applications practically.

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Except I wasn’t sure, and I want to know if that’s how it really works. I wanted to ensure the foundation was firm and the pillars were strong enough for whatever was to come.

Debating so happened to be the best way to find out.

Frankly, when I started the conversation with my dad, I knew what he would say, and I wouldn’t be happy about it.

Truth is, I didn’t plan to persuade my dad — I know I couldn’t. I just wanted the truth — the solution to life. And I was willing to put my beliefs on the line to find out.

It sucks to have my beliefs shaken like that, breaking most of the time — level-19 defence just isn’t enough for level-50 attacks. It hurts, and usually, damage control just isn’t my thing when it comes to values.

It feels terrible to have my core beliefs being taken down — it’s a direct insult to my character, a gut punch to my fragile heart. It’s natural to be offensive and hostile whenever the part that makes up who I am is threatened.

Despite that, the urge to grow and the desire to know drives me to put my beliefs to the test, even if it means sabotage if the worst happens. But deep down, I don’t mind it if I were to be honest. I’m young enough to build everything up from scratch again — I’ve done that countless times.

I hate debates, especially the generational ones. They put me on an emotional roller coaster, made me question life, and tore me apart from the inside out. Still, every now and then, I’d ask my dad, knowing what I was signing up for.

I’m figuring stuff out, and I want to know the solution.

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Dear parents:

I know it sucks to have your kids invite you to a debate. Still, please know that we’re not trying to destroy you — we’re not even capable of defending against you, let alone persuading you.

We’re figuring out life, and sometimes, we don’t have answers. We come to you because we don’t know and just want guidance.

We want to be like you, with world views strong enough to stand the test of time.