I Can’t Describe How I Feel

And maybe we don’t have to

Photo by Extravis_Marketing on Pixabay

I have all sorts of emotions. My emotions change all the time, and sometimes, they get intense. To me, emotions are complex equations with loads of variables and uncertainties mixed in a tangled string of feelings.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but when it comes to feelings, the question I hate the most is usually the go-to question for everybody…

“How are you feeling?”

You see, the problem when it comes to how I’m feeling is that I have absolutely no freaking clue. I could come up with a bunch of crap for the sake of answering, knowing that it’s nothing remotely close and I’m talking entirely gibberish. Or, I can condense that question to a simple yes-no question…

“I’m not happy.”

It’s simple, and it’s fast. You’re either happy, or you’re not; you’re either feeling positive, or you’re not; you’re either in a good mood, or you’re not. It gets the job done. But come on, nobody’s gonna actually believe you when you say you’rehappy, right?

It’s not the best, but logically, it works. If you’re happy, you’re friendly; if you’re feeling positive, you’re productive; if you’re in a good mood, you’re approachable.

It’s the easy workaround for us — to condense complex questions into simple yes-no questions. We always do that when we face difficult problems — simplify and solve. However, we lose so much detail that it’s basically impossible to be even close to being believable. We all know it’s not genuine, inaccurate, and worthless.

So, let’s rewind. Again.

“How are you feeling?”

Uplifted? Depressed? Frustrated? Confused?

You probably have one word in your mind. Now, how did you arrive at that word?

Why did you choose depressed over sad? Why did you choose frustrated over annoyed? Why did you choose pleased over glad?

Because you’re still breaking that complex question back to simple questions.

Say you’re annoyed. You’re comparing some words quite close in meaning: annoyed, frustrated, angry… And you go through each of them, seeing which one is the closest, and you go with that.

You’re probably not beaten, so you chose annoyed over frustrated. But you’re probably also a bit beaten, so you decided annoyed over angry.

However, is the word you chose accurate? Does it fully describe your heart?

We probably learned the definition of these words through experiences, and we linked our feelings to the supposed meaning of those words. As a result, we all have an idea of what these words mean, yet we all have slightly different interpretations of each word.

When we choose a word, we’re comparing how we felt at the moment with the idea of these emotions — emotions that were interpreted based on previous experiences.

The problem, however, is that no two experiences are identical, so every emotion is different.

So, let’s rewind. Again…

“How are you feeling?”

Let me try another approach.

One of my previous articles — I Ditched My Heart to Find My Soul, received positive feedback. It’s the first time somebody ever appreciated my writing. And it’s the first time I’ve ever earned money through writing.

If you were me, how would you feel?

Do you think that’s better than if I just told you I was excited?

When we describe feelings, we understand it, and that’s just it — we comprehended that we had this feeling.

However, when we narrate our experiences, instead of just learning about our feelings, we actually feel them first-hand. It made emotions so much more powerful, and it gave us a thorough understanding of the nuanced differences in our emotions that make them so true to our hearts.

Truth is, we can’t describe it accurately — feelings aren’t something we can define precisely. We generate feelings from experiences, and no two experiences are the same — let alone generalizing a gazillion experiences with the same word.

Experiences aren’t to be ignored but heard and appreciated; feelings aren’t to be told of but felt and resonated first-hand.

We might not have the same feelings when it comes to experiencing moments. Still, it is only through recreating experiences that we can truly appreciate emotions and understand them thoroughly.

While describing feelings might be effective (just say a word, and you’re good to go), taking the time to thoroughly experience one’s emotions is a tradeoff I’m willing to pay.

We all long for connections — finding somebody willing to listen to our inner voice, and many of us are still stuck to answering yes-no questions when it comes to emotions. But perhaps, for one to understand how we’re feeling, we need not describe how we’re feeling but open up our hearts and broadcast our stories to those willing to listen.